(TELEJOKE Grand Canyon) Senator John Kerry, campaigning at the Grand Canyon yesterday lashed out at God claiming the Diety’s assertion that “all have sinned” was arrogant and premature, and lacked the diplomacy necessary to effectively redeem the world.  “How can God accuse everyday people of falling short of His glory? Doesn’t He know I served in Vietnam?,” Kerry asked, implying that being omnicient created a sense of self-importance in the Creator.

Asked how he would deal with sin, Kerry chafed. “First of all, the assumption that there is sin at all has not been borne out by facts. If there were sin—and I’m not saying that there is only because my opponent… I mean, only because God says there is—I would certainly deal with it more effectively. Kerry reminded the media covering his appearance at the Grand Canyon that it is immoral to sacrifice one’s son to a cause that has not been proven. “I think it would be more prudent to deny sin exists while taxing it. But only rich sinners should be taxed—that is only if they actually sin, which I’m not saying they do,”

The Senator’s comments bring to the surface yet again the issue of the role religion should play in America’s body politic. Sources close to the Kerry campaign confide that Mr. Kerry takes great offense at Jesus’ claims to be “the Way, the Truth, and the Life,” noting that the Senator’s four months in Vietnam makes him far more qualified to be savior of the world.

HIGHER AMBITIONS?

Kerry’s comments in an unguarded moment seem to provide clues that his ambitions go far beyond the presidency of the United States. Shortly after the outburst, Kerry’s press team scrambled to explain that he was not seeking any higher office than president of the U.S., although he has been considering a run for president of the European Union or possibly a reorganized U.N. after serving four terms as chief executive in the United States.

REPEALING THE 22nd AMENDMENT?

Sources say, Kerry’s goal of serving four terms is being explored by a team of 5,000 lawyers headed up by John Edwards. “Senator Edwards believes he can find some precedent in tort law that would allow the president to sue to have the 22nd amendment repealed as unconstitutional,” a source told TELEJOKE on condition of anonymity.  “We’re certain at least four judges on the Supreme Court believe the amendment is unconstitutional, and Mr. Edwards believes he can channel the spirit of Stonewall Jackson in an appeal that could tip the court in favor of the repeal.”

Overturning parts of the constitution as unconstitutional is not unprecedented.  The sources cite recent rulings of the court that have rendered almost all of the protections of the 1st Amendment moot—and it’s fanatical right-wing supporters mute.  “We could be electing a king, if the tort lawyers have anything to do with it.” The source indicated that Kerry will limit his term to four years as part of his agreement with Edwards to get the 22nd amendment overturned on appeal.  “Look,” said a source close to Edwards, “we succeeded in getting campaign finance reform through—now only George Sorros and the media have full and unfettered freedom of speech as the election draws near.”
Other efforts at getting the 1st Amendment overturned as unconstitutional include the successfull outlawing of public displays of the Ten Commandments.

God has not responded to the outlawing of His word—or to Kerry’s assertions that he could do God’s job better.  He plans to make a statement in early November.

-Developing-

TELEJOKE News Service